Held Me in My Mind
by ifiknowyouatall
Summary: He had all the answers he finally wanted. She was standing there with him at the end.


_Characters aren't mine, this is a fill-in-the-blank for chapter 7 of my Snapshots series. Should probably be read first, posting this separately because of rating. It's M, by the way, you have been warned. _

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_" I wish I'd never, ever seen your face. I wish you were the one that got away. -The Civil Wars_

He'd slowly looked up from the yellowing, waxy piece of paper that held the final answer he'd been searching for for longer then he could remember.

He felt the tears start to sting at his eyes but held them back and his eyes met hers. His coworker, his friend, looking back with wide, apologetic eyes, babbling on excuses for the only mother he'd ever known. She looked so young, or maybe he'd just gotten that old. Here she was, standing with him at the end, not Sam and certainly not Hetty, but "Nell…"

And as her name escaped his lips, the envelope fell to the floor and his hands were on her face, making sure she looked at him. How did he say thank you, how did he say it wasn't her fault and he inched closer and his lips were on hers.

The youthful, feminine softness of her lips against his, dissonant to the fierceness with which she was kissing him back. Only coming up for air when her head slammed against the living room wall.

Instead of startling them into stopping, it had the opposite effect, pushing them forward. His hands left the back of her head where they had previously been knotted in her hair and moved to the back of her thighs, hoisting her up and pinning her between the wall and him.

She focused on his neck, her tongue darting on and off his pulse point, but it was her wandering hands that took the real lead. Trusting him to keep her aloft, she undid the buckle of his belt and the zipper soon followed.

Somewhere in the back recesses of his mind, he remembers thinking he thought she'd be shyer. But she wasn't and he inhaled sharply as she stroked him, once, twice, before he took back control. Pushing aside any clothing that blocked his entrance, she inhaled sharply as he pushed further inside her. This wasn't about emotional attachment. This wasn't about some deep abiding love. This was a simple release, from burdens neither of them could carry. Never returning to the intimate connection of a kiss. He gripped her backside as she nibbles on his ear and he sucked hard enough on her neck to leave a hickey. She wrapped her legs around his waist, urging him to quicken the pace.

Clothing askew, he slowly lowered her down the wall. She quickly fixed her skirt and redid the top couple of buttons on her blouse. He kept his head down and his eyes averted, almost ashamed that he'd used her like that. But she wouldn't let him.

"Do you at least have beer in this place?"

They drank in silence, she sat on the kitchen counter, he stood in front of 'd been his coworker for over eight years and she considered these coworkers family and she didn't want to think about the ramifications this would have. They were already broken enough. So instead, she set down her beer, jumped off the counter and grabbed his hand and gently pulled him towards what she suspected was the back bedroom.

They'd both needed the frantic release before, all the built up anger and grief of the last month consuming them. But that couldn't be the end, because they also both needed comfort, assurance to start the long healing process.

She smiled slightly when they reached the bed that had clearly not been slept in the night before, and maybe never. She turned to face him, kissing him slowly, deliberately. His hands rested lightly on her hips, fingers gently tracing the outline of her pelvis. Clothing was removed slowly, purposefully, pausing between pieces to kiss each newly exposed piece of skin until they stood naked before each other.

"God, you're beautiful." Were the only words uttered as he gently lowered her to the bed, kissing every inch, from shoulder to toe. As he made her way back up her leg, she shudder with pleasure each time he got closer and closer to where she wanted his lips to be. And then her moans and sighs filled the room, urging them forward. And the screams of his name when she came made him think it didn't matter what name was on the certificate she handed him earlier.

Kissing his way back up to her mouth, hands now caressing, exploring, his weight pleasantly heavy on top of her. Slowly rolling them over, she straddled him from above and lowered herself onto him. Slight shifts and rotations of her hips bringing smiles of contentment to his face as he sat up, capturing her breast in his mouth, causing her body to shudder of its own accord, contracting around his.

All movements were purposeful and gentle and they were looking each other in the eye, arms wrapped around each other, as they rocked together, the pace increasing steadily until his eyes rolled back in his head and she clung to him even tighter.

They lay naked in the silence for a while, until the unthinkable happened, he actually fell asleep. She pulled the blankets over the both of them and closed her own eyes.

But in the morning, when he reached for her, she was gone.


End file.
